On Sundays I ramble

I cringe every time I see a spike in my Stats. It doesn’t always happen, but when it does, it usually means that one curious cat got a tad too curious and decided to dig through my dusty archives.

Which is fine, actually. It’s dope. It proves that some people still find this space interesting and it makes me feel a little less alone (shet ang lungkot ko naman?). On the flip side, however, it also means that these people get to see more of my shortcomings as a writer. Exhibit A: my “very sad and very poor” grasp of the English language.

I’m aware of it, and I’m trying to be better at it. My about page says it all: please feel free to judge my grammar mistakes. I apologize for the lapses; I apologize for making y’all cringe.

Now let me digress a little and say that it’s been freezing cold out here. The temperature has been dipping down to -35 ‘C and the roads have been covered in bumpy, slippery ice. I just bought new winter tires in December and my car still skids every three meters or so. Hay, winter.

I used to think that if the Philippines were located closer to the poles, maybe the government would pay more attention to its housing services. Anyone who doesn’t have access to a sufficiently insulated room in the winter will certainly die a Little-Match-Girl death. And with the country’s current urban housing situation, a Philippine winter could spell death for at least half of the metro’s work force.

But soon I realized that, for a country that suffers through typhoons multiple times a year, the Philippines somehow still fails to streamline an efficient (i.e. zero-fatality?) response to these disasters. I know we have scientists and techs who are working on it. I’m aware there are people from non-profit groups who are helping out. I guess what I’m getting at is, snow or no-snow, it probably wouldn’t matter anyway. The people who can afford central heating systems in their mansions wouldn’t care either way.

And since I’m already getting a little discursive in this post (as with most things in this blog), I might as well mention that a few days back, I got a surprise video call from my high school friends. They had a sleepover in D’s place and when they woke up, they figured I’d already be home from work so they phoned me.

It was nice talking to them, of course. D is about to finish med school (she majored in Fine Arts, graduated magna cum laude); G plans to go to an arts fellowship in Indonesia (she’s also an FA girl, also magna cum laude); and R is working on a project for a Mindanao-based non-profit (she was in Art Studies and, yes, also magna cum laude).

So these are the type of people they’ve become, and I suppose y’all would understand if I share that I felt a little distant while talking to them. When we were kids we talked about how “weird” it would be to work from 8 to 5 and to be in somebody else’s employ. Somehow all of them ended up doing the things we once dreamed of — they’re now artists who matter, still as ambitious as when we were 13.

I’m not begging for a pat on the back here, kids. I learned early on (thanks to my good friend Frances Ha, charot) that art and passion — sometimes you need a little cushion of privilege to pursue them. My friends are smart and talented, and to say so is already an understatement on its own. They’re that good. But they’re also from well-to-do families, they were never forced to be this-or-that, and they all grew up in households that supported whatever it was they wanted to pursue. They’re just awesome people, and for someone like me to be a part of their lives is a huge mystery that isn’t worth solving. Right?

And I’m doing fine myself, I think. I’ve done a few things that are worth some merit in this merit-crazy world, and my decision to pivot towards a STEM career has so far proven to be a good one. The four years I spent in engineering have maimed my self-esteem, but not once did I ever seriously consider quitting. I see myself growing in this profession, and to be able to say this when almost a decade ago I was so close to failing Math 1 (opo, hindi Math 17, Math 1 lang talaga) — baks, I didn’t just go inside that Room for Improvement. I fucking renovated it.

The only thing that’s pulling me down is the fact that I’m here, that I’m far from everything and from everyone. But I will deal with this later. I know in my heart (charot) that this isn’t bound to last forever (not charot).


The featured image was patterned after the works of Kasiq, a Korea-based fashion illustrator. And because I’m feelingera and I want to give this “piece” a title, I came up with two options: A) Spaghetti Pababa / Spaghetti Pataas or B) Ulong Pugot Nanlalagot. Pili kayo, charot. 

19 thoughts on “On Sundays I ramble”

  1. Hah! Bigla kong tinanong ang sarili ko kung anong istorya yang Little Match Girl.

    Sa issue ng Zero Fatality: Reactive kasi instead of Proactive. Taon taon na lang tayo binabagyo parang lagi pa rin bago.

    Sa mayayamang friends: Sa totoo lang, medyo nakakainggit yung mga taong pinupursue ang dreams nila kasi di sila obligadong kumita ng pera. Pero ganun talaga. DI patas ang mundo.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Napa-Google din tuloy ako sa kuwento ng Little Match Girl, baka mali pala ako haha. Pero tama naman — namatay ‘yung batang babae sa hypothermia. 😦

      Oo nga e, ‘no? After all these years (decades, centuries??), wala pa rin tayong maayos na sistema para sa mga bagyo. Pero alam ko marami namang sumusubok na maghanap ng solusyon. Hindi lang talaga siya priority, huhu.

      Truly, nakakainggit talaga. At naiinggit din ako hindi lang sa mayayaman at magagaling, kundi pati d’un sa mga siguradong-sigurado sa kung ano ang gusto nilang gawin (at marating) sa buhay. Buti pa sila, haha.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. So ayan binasa ko ang summary ni Little Match Girl. Di ko alam kung napanood ko na yan pero feeling ko si Princess Sarah ang napanood ko na nasa snow HAHA.

        Anyway, ang problema sa Pinas, maraming initiatives kaso di binibigyan ng budget. Andami kasing magnanakaw WAHA Saka mas inuuna nila ang kapakanan ng pangalan nila at ego kaysa kapakanan ng bansa

        Well, andito na tayo. Tuloy tuloy na lang. Hayaan mo na yung mayayaman HAHA

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Mala-Princess Sarah nga siya, aping-api rin. Unfortunately walang redemption ang character niya bukod sa mapunta sa langit after death. Lungkot. 😦

        Grabe ‘no? People’s lives are at stake pero kebs lang sila. 😦 Siyempre others would say na bakit umaasa na naman tayo sa gobyerno, bakit ‘di na lang magtrabaho ang mahihirap para maka-afford sila ng bahay sa magagandang subdivisions — hay, jusmio. Hindi ako magsasawang magpaliwanag na trabaho ng gobyerno na itaguyod ang public safety at welfare ng nasasakupan nito. Kaya nga may taxes e. Sa serbisyo dapat ‘yan napupunta at hindi sa quing inang MMK episode ni B/ong G/o. 😦

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      3. Kasi may pa-talambuhay siya sa MMK ngayon, e ‘di ba tumatakbo siyang senador?? So nangangampanya si baccla! Ito namang ABS-CBN walang paki, support lang basta may bayad. Ma’am Charo and company are just as complicit in this mega madness, chareng.

        Like

  2. I complain because it’s cold where I am. I forget the places north of where I am, like you there in Canada have even colder temperature. So far I don’t have to switch to winter tires. But maybe I should.

    Being away is hard, and the winter blues does not help at all.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. May MMK din talaga si Bong Go? So, pag di kaya mag-biopic a la Bato, sa MMK na lang. Haha. Medyo konting kapal lang ng mukha yung kay Ed Angara eh (pero tae pa rin kasi yung TRAIN tax namin, pakyu ka Sonny Angara), pero si Bong Go sobrang kapal ng mukha.

    “Unfortunately walang redemption ang character niya bukod sa mapunta sa langit after death.”
    Naisip ko agad si Hans Andersen ba author nito? Haha. Siya nga, hardcore talaga siya. Hehe

    “sometimes you need a little cushion of privilege to pursue them”

    Sa Pinas, siguro di lang little cushion ang kailangan mo. Kailangan mo yung buong sofa. yung buong sala set with matching carpet, elegant center table at LED flatscreen sa harap. Hahaha. Yung kaibigan ko nga di nga ako makapag gitara eh kahit gusto niya.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, mum, may pa-MMK talaga si gago. Ang tatrapo nilang lahat ‘no? Bukod siguro kay Neri Colmenares at sa iba pang outliers.

      Hardcore talaga si Hans Christian Andersen, pare. Dark kung dark. Similar ending din sa original Little Mermaid ‘di ba? Although baka mas dark pa yata ‘yun kasi naging lumot na lang sila or zamthing.

      Potah natawa ako sa sofa hahaha. Pero oo nga, totoo. Hindi nga lang pera kailangan e. Kailangan din ng swerte, at — sa tingin ko lang naman — kailangan nasa Maynila ka. May art scene ba sa kung saan ka man tumira / nakatira sa Bikol? D’un kasi sa amin wala e. Closest na siguro ‘yung maging tagapinta ng mga poster ng bold movies, although baka wala na ring ganito ngayon haha.

      Like

      1. Oo parang ganun nga. Altho mas dark pa rin yung original na Brothers Grimm.

        Wala art scene samin. Mga sementeryo lang at mga tipong pang-Beast Jesus lang ang tinitira ng mga pintor sa’min. Haha.

        Based sa survey, parang wala sa magic 12 si Bong Go. Andun si Lito Lapid, Jinggoy at Bong Revilla. Pero sa’kin wala na ring bearing kahit may dilawan o puro DDS manalo. Pare-pareho lang sila.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Grabe ‘yung Beast Jesus, ngayon ko na lang ulit narinig ‘yan a. Hahaha.

        Buti nga wala sa Magic 12 si Bong Go. Nuisance kung nuisance e. Buti rin wala si Imee! Hay nako, iba rin ‘tong return of the comeback nina Jinggoy at Bong ‘no? Jusmio. Tama, pare-pareho lang sila.

        Sana makapasok din si Neri eventually. For sure hindi siya dilawan — pulahan ‘yun e. Parang sina Ma’am Judy at Ka Paeng, ‘yung dating Duterte appointees na hindi na-confirm kasi they were actually doing public service and the powers-that-be didn’t like it. 😦

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Yiiie, tenkyu. ❤ Sige sige, tawagin natin itong "Headless Dancer". Naks ang serious, haha.

      Medj nahihirapan ako sa Sticker Happy e. Wala akong mahanap na HQ image so mahirap ipinta 'yung buong katawan, lalo na 'yung kaliwang paa. Nakatago sa dilim e. Pero kapag sinipag ako, pagtitiyagaan ko ito. Huweyt lang phowhz! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

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