Sad Sunday

Today I’m sad and I don’t know why.

I’m stuck at a problem at work. Last week I was given a huge data set to analyze but I couldn’t extract the metadata that I need to crunch. The boss didn’t give me a deadline but still, I’m frustrated. Sometimes I think I’m too dumb for this job. Sometimes I also think that maybe I shouldn’t have abandoned writing as a career.

But why do I continue to write in English anyway? I clearly lack the skillz. A writing teacher once gave me a handbook on “How To Write Better English.” After that I started writing in Filipino. It’s been a while since I wrote something in Filipino. Why, self, why?

Maybe I’m just not meant to be great at anything. I was a mediocre writer and now I’m a fairly stupid engineer too. I don’t even have the marks to get me into grad school. Ay whatever. I probably won’t fit in the academe anyway.

And to further this pity party: a lot of shit happened at work last week (just like most weeks, but Last Week deserves its own trophy). The most memorable shithap was when one dude got mad at me for parking at an illegal spot (entirely my fault). I made a a semi-big mess because the bosses of the bosses got involved — yikes! I guess I’m a stupid driver too.

I really need to get a new job in the summer. I’ve only applied to two industry positions and I’m considering bugging the profs for a research job at the university. Should I? Should I not? It will look good on my CV and it might also increase my chances of getting into grad school. Research pays shit though, and I’m in need of funds. Hay, life.

But before I even dream about getting that PhD, I first have to finish a technical report due by the end of March. I was supposed to contact my sources last week but because of the shithaps at work (and because I’m a chronic procrastinator) I ended up watching a lot of football instead. Boy was it a good week to be a Barça fan. Now if only Barça trophies can write my report and get me a job, ‘no?

Whatever. I’m aware that I’m just being a lazy-ass reklamador at this point. This post is also so incoherent I should’ve just written it in bullets. But I promise I will get my shit together next week. Promise talaga! And if not, then whatever. Mamamatay din naman tayong lahat.


The featured image was roughly patterned after Sophie from Frances Ha.

20 thoughts on “Sad Sunday”

    1. so true, man. i should keep this in mind. easier said than done, but i will for sure try my hardest to just focus on moving forward. thanks, buddy. 😦

      Like

    1. we do, don’t we? ang hirap ngang maging matanda. thanks for the kind words, man. if you ever go through a rough time, remember that you gave this advice to a complete internet stranger — we’ll keep going! 🙂

      Like

  1. No. The post, though random, is coherent enough for me to understand what you are clamoring for. It’s just a bad day, not a bad life so perk up 🙂 You’re not a bad writer (in English). You’re actually excellent and I like hearing from you. So keep on writing! You’re doing well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “it’s just a bad day, not a bad life” — i really needed to hear this, carl. grabe huhu. you didn’t have to compliment my writing skillz naman, pero salamat a. salamat talaga huhuhu. 😦

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Don’t be too hard on yourself, Jolens. Life is hard enough. This feeling sucks, big time. Virtual hugs na lang muna from me to you, this time.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Hahahaha ayos a! Dapat talaga malampasan ko ‘to kasi kung hindi, marurutuy kami digdi sa balay. Choz huhuhaha. Tengs rAdish! 😊

        Like

  3. Jolens! Di pa tayo nagmemeet but I wana give you a hug! Lols. Keri mo yan! Also magaling ka magsulat noh. O kaya wag mo muna kwestyunin sarili mo at all. Go lang.😊

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.