Searching 2.0

There’s so many important things to talk about tonight yet here I am doing this thing, this Searching thing, the thing in which I talk about the search terms that tricked random strangers into visiting my blog.

There’s no social relevance here whatsoever. I’m just going to answer questions, share some stories, and pretty much say whatever comes to mind. You’ve been warned, okay?

Now let’s begin.

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Ilang Paboritong Akda

Sa dalas ko ba namang magsayang ng oras sa WordPress, imposibleng hindi ako magkaroon ng mga paboritong blog post. Gusto ko nga sanang magsimula ng buwanang listahan e — ‘yung tipong monthly favorites ba — pero lagi naman akong gahol sa oras.

Kaya paspasan lang din itong post na ito. Nais ko lang ilista at ibahagi ang ilan sa mga akdang madalas kong binabalik-balikan, bago ko pa man sila makalimutan.


Deboto ako ng mga senyales.

Sa tuwing iiyak ang pinto, alam kong nariyan ka na. Musika ang tunog ng mga yapak mo papunta sa ’kin. Kapag may uwi kang sariwang lumpia, ibig sabihi’y hindi ako nawaglit sa maghapon mo. Walang bantas ang mga mensahe mo kung sabik kang makita ako.

Mula sa “Para Sa ‘Yong Naghihintay ng Senyales” ni Ron Camino
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April

The initial plan was to write something with a little arte, like maybe start with a scene description from Noah Baumbach’s Frances Ha, maybe include a dialog or two, and then fluidly transition into a persuasive thesis statement on adulthood, credit scores, and being “undateable.” Too bad I’m too lazy to pull that off, so I’m just gonna go ahead and say,

Hey, guys — it’s gonna be May! (N*SYNC, anyone?)

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Sunday Dress

Sunday night I catch myself watching The Office while nibbling on Skittles and downing the decadent beads of sugar with tepid green tea. I am moving to a new city tomorrow yet here I am doing nothing, just bumming around like some chubby Norse god who lost his will to be.

But you really have to start packing, I remind myself. My new place — a tiny room in the basement of an old house along a quiet, tree-lined street — is ready for occupancy tomorrow. The landlady and I have already agreed on a move-in time. Everything is set, actually, except for my luggage that remains empty.

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Searching

When I started Jumping Jolens back in 2012, search terms on Google were unencrypted. I could read every keyword that lured random strangers into the stinky pits of my blog. It was pretty cool, but I didn’t gain much from it save for the occasional entertainment.

Some search terms were funny (“kailan tutubo pag nag ahit ng kilay”), some were lewd (“hugis ng vagina ni [celebrity]”), and some were legitimate queries (“ano ang spaghetting pataas at pababa”). Today I will try to answer some of these questions and address other pressing concerns, all in the spirit of Ayokong Asikasuhin ang Buhay Ko Kaya Ito na Muna ang Gagawin Ko.

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March

I watched six movies this month. Five out of six were romance films; the odd one out was Captain Marvel.

I didn’t write notes about these movies. I didn’t even think about them that much. I needed to rest my mind; I had enough shit to worry about this month.

When I watched Alone/Together I cried practically the entire time. I didn’t, no — I couldn’t think too much about the film. I don’t even remember anything about it; I just know that the tears started pouring the moment I saw CAL.

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Bitchy Ma’am Tessie

So believe it or not (believe it), I wasn’t always a self-deprecating dumb-ass who barely got through her acads. At one point in my origin story, I was actually pretty smart. Book-smart, math-smart — that brand of smart.

Unfortunately I peaked in grade school. Back then my marks were high enough to land me a spot in the Honor List even though all I did was show up. I never studied at home and I watched a lot of TV. The only time I truly cared was when we had to grow a plant for Science and I treasured my munggo seed like it was a mother’s most precious orchid. (I used to love botany, remember?)

One of my teachers then was Ma’am Tessie, a plump bespectacled guráng who put on smeared lipstick like an impish Bratz doll. Spoiler alert: Ma’am Tessie hated my guts.

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