Sunday Night Worries

I have a presentation to do tomorrow and it’s about the technical report that I submitted last week.

My supervisor has yet to give me feedback on what I wrote, but I am 100% certain that half of it is hard, solid bullshit. I simply didn’t understand what I was writing about. And tomorrow, when I present that shit in front of the team, I know that they will realize how I practically know nothing about the topic. Hayayay.

A part of me just wants to chill and focus on what’s present. Be objective, they say. Address the things you can change and forget the stuff that you have no control over. Understand the facts and start from there.

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Hulyo

Bago ako magsimulang kumuda tungkol sa buwan ng Hulyo, ikukuwento ko muna na kanina, araw ng Linggo, bandang alas siete ng umaga, nagdilim ang paningin ko at nawalan ako ng malay. Gutom na gutom kasi ako.

N’ung Biernes pa ‘yung huling kain ko, pananghalian na shawarma mula sa isang restaurant malapit sa opisina. Biernes ng gabi dumaan lang ako sa mall at bumili ng ice cream (isang cup ng white chocolate with raspberry!). Kahapon naman, Sabado, nagkape lang ako buong araw. Balak ko naman talagang mag-almusal kaninang umaga, pero ‘ayun na nga, hinimatay ako. Nang magising ako sa sahig ng kusina kung saan ako bumagsak, kumain agad ako ng tsokolate at pumasok sa kwarto para humiga at magpahinga. Hayayay.

Pero ayos naman na ako ngayon. Namalengke na ako kanina, okay na. Susubukan ko na lang siguro na hindi magpagutom ulit. Hmm.

So mabalik tayo sa Hulyo. Ano nga ba ang nangyari n’ung Hulyo?

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All Nighter

I just submitted two write-ups for a part-time job and I still have a technical report for another job that I need to finish tonight. It seems like I will be handing my boss a 20-page shitfest tomorrow, but, to be honest, I don’t really care about it anymore. I am ready to take a big L on this one, and I will just go ahead and move forward with a lesson or two. Que sera sera, Jolens. Life goes on.

All these technical write-ups that I’ve been pulling out my ass have made me realize how badly I enjoy casual essay writing. Casual, which basically refers to the kind of writing most bloggers do. Casual, like it’s just me speaking to all of you.

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101 Questions

Nahihilo na ako sa dami ng mga dapat kong gawin kaya heto, pahinga muna. May nahagilap akong mga “random” na tanong sa Thought Catalog at sasagutin ko lang ang mga ito nang paspasan.

Iyon ang keyword, paspasan. Isa hanggang tatlong pangungusap lang. Hindi ako maglalaan ng mahabang panahon kada tanong, at lalong hindi ako dadaldal. Sabi nga ni Mareng Donna Cruz, isang tanong isang sagot lang — times one hundred and one.

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Writing Exercise #2: Translation

Translation, they say, is a good way to improve one’s language skills. Translating poetry, specifically, forces the writer to focus on the words — on diction, essentially — because all other elements like poetic structure and literary content are already taken care of.

For this exercise I chose three poems by three different writers. I picked a César Vallejo poem because I initially wanted to see if I could translate directly from Spanish to Filipino (I couldn’t). I was also curious about how nuances get lost in multi-level translations (i.e. Spanish to English to Filipino), but obviously I would never find an answer.

Next I went with Charles Bukowski, an author known for his polarizing stream-of-consciousness verses. I have read criticisms against his prosaic style — the same disapproving remark flung against so-called Instagram poets — so I wanted to explore how I could render this cadence in Filipino. Lastly I went with Lang Leav, partly for the same reason, but mostly because I wanted to know if her poems, which I admittedly do not enjoy, would look better (or worse) in another language.

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June

Today marks Day 4 of my attempt to solve an Excel VBA problem at work. My sheets look the same as they did last Friday, and the fact that I haven’t moved forward on this task makes me feel like my brain is nothing but a slightly cognitive swirl of cow manure graced with a dead langaw on top. Hayayay.

But anyway, let’s talk about June.

June was the month when I just wasn’t in the mood to do anything. Normally I would force myself to write a post every Sunday but I didn’t feel like doing that last month. I also got sick, I barely ate, and I struggled with both waking up in the morning and sleeping at night.

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Mundane Monday

I didn’t do anything productive at work today. No urgent tasks, no nothing. I just spent the first half of the day teaching myself SQL queries but I never got my code to work. Whatever.

For lunch our team went to an Asian restaurant, the kind where the chefs cook the food right in front you. I had salmon and veggies. I also wanted to try their unagi but maybe some other time, hopefully this weekend when my parents come over to visit.

After lunch I started working on a mini research project. I asked a colleague for ideas on how to narrow down the topic, and she recommended that I focus on the math, M&V and stuff. “I have resources I could send you,” she said. She never sent shit.

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