This Is How It Ends

Last night I dreamed about The End of the World.

In the dream my family and I went to a hole-in-a-wall restaurant somewhere in the ghetto part of the city. The restaurant had a karindirya vibe. The plastic tables and chairs were arranged unceremoniously in an open garage along a crummy alley, and the trays of food were displayed behind a glass case similar to the ones in fancier turo-turo places.

My mind was elsewhere when we got there. I was thinking about Something, and Something was stressing me so hard that I decided to light a cigarette that I fished out of my sweater pocket. I puffed a smoke in front of my parents and they didn’t seem to care. All was well.

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August

Let’s make this short and sweet, shall we?

I waited a little too long to write this post, so instead of reminding myself about the ups-and-downs of August I will simply talk about the movies and songs and other thingamajigs that I enjoyed last month.

In August I watched five films: Parasite (2019), Kuya Wes (2018), ‘Tol (2019), Hello, Love, Goodbye (2019), and Someone Great (2019). My favorite was Parasite. It’s not perfect, not at all, but it is equal parts entertaining and relevant and I think more people should give it a watch. Ganda.

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Sunday Night Worries

I have a presentation to do tomorrow and it’s about the technical report that I submitted last week.

My supervisor has yet to give me feedback on what I wrote, but I am 100% certain that half of it is hard, solid bullshit. I simply didn’t understand what I was writing about. And tomorrow, when I present that shit in front of the team, I know that they will realize how I practically know nothing about the topic. Hayayay.

A part of me just wants to chill and focus on what’s present. Be objective, they say. Address the things you can change and forget the stuff that you have no control over. Understand the facts and start from there.

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All Nighter

I just submitted two write-ups for a part-time job and I still have a technical report for another job that I need to finish tonight. It seems like I will be handing my boss a 20-page shitfest tomorrow, but, to be honest, I don’t really care about it anymore. I am ready to take a big L on this one, and I will just go ahead and move forward with a lesson or two. Que sera sera, Jolens. Life goes on.

All these technical write-ups that I’ve been pulling out my ass have made me realize how badly I enjoy casual essay writing. Casual, which basically refers to the kind of writing most bloggers do. Casual, like it’s just me speaking to all of you.

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101 Questions

Nahihilo na ako sa dami ng mga dapat kong gawin kaya heto, pahinga muna. May nahagilap akong mga “random” na tanong sa Thought Catalog at sasagutin ko lang ang mga ito nang paspasan.

Iyon ang keyword, paspasan. Isa hanggang tatlong pangungusap lang. Hindi ako maglalaan ng mahabang panahon kada tanong, at lalong hindi ako dadaldal. Sabi nga ni Mareng Donna Cruz, isang tanong isang sagot lang — times one hundred and one.

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Music Questions, and other stories

Do you have any fan merchandise that is unusual?

I don’t think so, no. I was a broke-ass kid so I was never the type to spend money on fan merch.

I used to be surrounded by artists though, and they used to give me the coolest hand-made gifts. A teacher once gave me a wooden kunai (the ninja weapon from Naruto) which he carved out of mahogany. A schoolmate also gifted me a guitar pick with the Natin99 pattern that he painted himself. The paint (acrylic?) easily chipped off when I started using the pick, and so this guy reminded me that the gift wasn’t made for actual use: “pang-collector’s item kasi ‘yan!” Shet sorry naman! Haha.

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June

Today marks Day 4 of my attempt to solve an Excel VBA problem at work. My sheets look the same as they did last Friday, and the fact that I haven’t moved forward on this task makes me feel like my brain is nothing but a slightly cognitive swirl of cow manure graced with a dead langaw on top. Hayayay.

But anyway, let’s talk about June.

June was the month when I just wasn’t in the mood to do anything. Normally I would force myself to write a post every Sunday but I didn’t feel like doing that last month. I also got sick, I barely ate, and I struggled with both waking up in the morning and sleeping at night.

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