December

I baked chocolate chip cookies on Christmas Eve. I also ate turkey and spaghetti, I drank wine, and then I watched a movie before going to sleep at around 4am on Christmas Day.

My sleep cycle is still whacked. Luckily I don’t go back to school until next week so I can go to sleep whenever I want. Overall I feel much better now than I did last month.

I still have to go to the clinic to get another blood test done. Sometime in December I did what the doctors call a Lung Function Test, and the technician told me that the results do not suggest I have asthma (“but it doesn’t completely rule it out,” she said). This new blood test will determine if my seasonal shortness of breath is caused, not by asthma, but by allergies.

Continue reading “December”

November

November was rough on my health. I started taking pills to get my circadian rhythm under control but the meds didn’t help at all. The side effects even made things worse, actually.

There was one time when I had to wake my parents up in the middle of the night because my chest hurt so bad and I felt like I was having a heart attack. I drank water, I tried meditating and breathing to a certain pattern but none of them calmed the pain. I told my parents I couldn’t sleep and when Ma gave me a hug, I bawled like a baby. It was bad.

But that was two weeks ago and I’m obviously still alive, so it probably wasn’t a heart attack. I still get those chest pains though — I’ve been having them for quite some time now.

Continue reading “November”

October

“That was the year, my twenty-eighth, when I was discovering that not all of the promises would be kept, that some things are in fact irrevocable and that it had counted after all, every evasion and every procrastination, every mistake, every word, all of it.”
– Joan Didion, “Goodbye To All That”

When I realized that my dismal academic performance in October would most likely delay my graduation, I broke down.

But it wasn’t immediate, the breaking down. Sometime in mid-October I started getting back my exam results — all failing grades, all below class average — but I didn’t cry just yet. There were moments when my chest would feel an aching tug, but I also had other exams and other assignments and other reports to worry about.

Continue reading “October”

September (Hear Me Speak)

I am copping out on my September log. I have a bazillion things to do, and I just don’t have the energy nor the time to think and write about my life. Nakakapagod!

In lieu of a September post I have an audio recording of my August log. Yez baks, that’s right. I talked to Yin of Kaharuhay the other day and she mentioned that I could start a podcast by just reading my blog posts aloud. E uto-uto naman ako, plus I really needed a quick sanity break, so here we are:

[sorry I had to remove it]

Continue reading “September (Hear Me Speak)”

August

Let’s make this short and sweet, shall we?

I waited a little too long to write this post, so instead of reminding myself about the ups-and-downs of August I will simply talk about the movies and songs and other thingamajigs that I enjoyed last month.

In August I watched five films: Parasite (2019), Kuya Wes (2018), ‘Tol (2019), Hello, Love, Goodbye (2019), and Someone Great (2019). My favorite was Parasite. It’s not perfect, not at all, but it was equal parts entertaining and relevant and I think more people should give it a watch. Ganda.

Continue reading “August”

Hulyo

Bago ako magsimulang kumuda tungkol sa buwan ng Hulyo, ikukuwento ko muna na kanina, araw ng Linggo, bandang alas siete ng umaga, nagdilim ang paningin ko at nawalan ako ng malay. Gutom na gutom kasi ako.

N’ung Biernes pa ‘yung huling kain ko, pananghalian na shawarma mula sa isang restaurant malapit sa opisina. Biernes ng gabi dumaan lang ako sa mall at bumili ng ice cream (isang cup ng white chocolate with raspberry!). Kahapon naman, Sabado, nagkape lang ako buong araw. Balak ko naman talagang mag-almusal kaninang umaga, pero ‘ayun na nga, hinimatay ako. Nang magising ako sa sahig ng kusina kung saan ako bumagsak, kumain agad ako ng tsokolate at pumasok sa kwarto para humiga at magpahinga. Hayayay.

Pero ayos naman na ako ngayon. Namalengke na ako kanina, okay na. Susubukan ko na lang siguro na hindi magpagutom ulit. Hmm.

So mabalik tayo sa Hulyo. Ano nga ba ang nangyari n’ung Hulyo?

Continue reading “Hulyo”

June

Today marks Day 4 of my attempt to solve an Excel VBA problem at work. My sheets look the same as they did last Friday, and the fact that I haven’t moved forward on this task makes me feel like my brain is nothing but a slightly cognitive swirl of cow manure graced with a dead langaw on top. Hayayay.

But anyway, let’s talk about June.

June was the month when I just wasn’t in the mood to do anything. Normally I would force myself to write a post every Sunday but I didn’t feel like doing that last month. I also got sick, I barely ate, and I struggled with both waking up in the morning and sleeping at night.

Continue reading “June”