listening to the ticking of the clock and the humming of the furnace; I’m already in Sleep Mode so no more music;
thinking about how my weekend went — even though I didn’t leave the house and celebrated Halloween like a typical twenty-something living in This Side of the World, I still think my weekend was well spent;
Magpapaskil ako ng mga litrato bilang pananda sa nagdaang linggo. Maraming mga munting pighati ngunit marami ring munting tagumpay. Natutunan kong kaya ko namang kaligtaan (kahit panandalian) ang pag-inda sa mga problemang wala sa kamay ko ang solusyon. Naging mas maunawain din ako sa ibang tao, at lalo na sarili ko. Matagal ko nang ikinukumpisal ang mga pagkukulang at pagkakamali — panahon na upang patawarin ang sarili. Kaya ngayong gabi, hihinga ako. Magpapahinga ako. Kaya ko ‘to. #
Sinulat ko ‘to kagabi, Biernes. Pero Sabado na. Tapos na ang pahinga. Balik na ulit sa pag-aaral ugh ‘tang ina.
Today at work, I had to phone a supplier and discuss the possible implementation plans for one of our projects. I made a list of all the pertinent details I needed, a brief guide of sorts to ensure that I don’t miss anything important.
When I had all the questions typed out — damn son I panicked!
Warren is cute and some nights I undress him in my thoughts. We spend the awkward morning-after in the lunch room while I stand behind him and listen, patiently, to the cappuccino slowly dripping into his mug. He turns around, smiles, and the machine whirs as if begging either of us to break the silence in its stead. But he doesn’t and I don’t, and he goes back to his seat and I go back to staring at his shoulders, broad and brooding, his white shirt pristine unlike the pictures in my head, dirty as if drenched in endometrium sludge like a six-hour old tampon, the bleeding elephant in the room.
This girl Nik has a very interesting project: she takes short video clips every day and puts them together in a video collage at the end of each month. She posts the videos on Facebook and I am always low-key impressed with the diary-esque quality of her clips.
But Nik’s life is far more interesting than mine. She swims and snorkels; she watches a throng of hot air balloons as they simultaneously take flight. Even on her off days she records herself playing the ukelele. And meanwhile there’s me, living a life that’s not even half as interesting as watching a plastic bag drift through the wind like an aimless piece of, well, plastic.
Still, I try.
I am aware that this ennui of sorts is such a burgis predicament to have. Surprisingly, however, I have not really chastised myself for taking videos of scenes that are otherwise considered pointless. What is so relevant about my feet as they walk? How does my cooking adobo trigger people’s consciousness?
I guess I’m just as bored as I should be and, thanks to my middle class privileges, I found a way to temporarily escape the routine that my life has become.
So I was on my way to work yesterday and everything was chill — music was great, Hozier’s “Work Song” I believe, and I was actually running a few minutes early until PUTANG INA MAY USA!!! There was a fucking deer who popped out of the bushes and ran across the road like he fucking owned it! Walang abiso bes!
It was almost a Rory Gilmore moment except 1) my car wasn’t parked and 2) the deer did not hit me. Glad I was only going 100 kph, otherwise I would have had to spend boatloads of money (that I currently don’t have) to have my car fixed. And of course the deer would have gotten smooshed and I would’ve had to deal with a roadkill of my own doing. Stress baks!
Four years in this country and now I have my first — and hopefully last — close encounter with a deer. Lesson learned: never take those yellow road signs for granted. Also, always keep a good distance away from the car in front of you. This story would have gone completely differently had there been other cars around.