November was rough on my health. I started taking pills to get my circadian rhythm under control but the meds didn’t help at all. The side effects even made things worse, actually.
There was one time when I had to wake my parents up in the middle of the night because my chest hurt so bad and I felt like I was having a heart attack. I drank water, I tried meditating and breathing to a certain pattern but none of them calmed the pain. I told my parents I couldn’t sleep and when Ma gave me a hug, I bawled like a baby. It was bad.
But that was two weeks ago and I’m obviously still alive, so it probably wasn’t a heart attack. I still get those chest pains though — I’ve been having them for quite some time now.
Continue reading “November”
Earlier I worked on a lab report for AI and another lab report for DIP. Tonight I plan to work on yet another lab shit for Machines, write some content for a raket, and review my notes for complex variable math — ang sipag lang e, ‘no?
The reason why I’m grinding through all this acads shit is because I have an upcoming electromagnetics exam next Tuesday. I’m currently on bagsak standing for EM so acing the next exam is crucial if I want to pass the class. Bakit ba kasi ang hirap-hirap ng EM??
Continue reading “Se7en Things”
夢 中 人 – Faye Wong
You liked Chungking Express, didn’t you?
Have I told you that Chungking is among my favorite films of all time? Why, you ask? Maybe it’s the actors, the fact that I find them both very attractive. Maybe it’s the little details too, the fact I now associate canned pineapples and broken plumbing pipes with longing and loneliness.
Or, hmm, maybe it’s just because of that “Dreams” song, that Cranberries cover which I dearly love, and which I’m guessing you love too — do you? Or are my clairvoyant powers failing me again, huh?
Continue reading “A Playlist For No One”
“That was the year, my twenty-eighth, when I was discovering that not all of the promises would be kept, that some things are in fact irrevocable and that it had counted after all, every evasion and every procrastination, every mistake, every word, all of it.”
– Joan Didion, “Goodbye To All That”
When I realized that my dismal academic performance in October would most likely delay my graduation, I broke down.
But it wasn’t immediate, the breaking down. Sometime in mid-October I started getting back my exam results — all failing grades, all below class average — but I didn’t cry just yet. There were moments when my chest would feel an aching tug, but I also had other exams and other assignments and other reports to worry about.
Continue reading “October”
I have a presentation to do tomorrow and it’s about the technical report that I submitted last week.
My supervisor has yet to give me feedback on what I wrote, but I am 100% certain that half of it is hard, solid bullshit. I simply didn’t understand what I was writing about. And tomorrow, when I present that shit in front of the team, I know that they will realize how I practically know nothing about the topic. Hayayay.
A part of me just wants to chill and focus on what’s present. Be objective, they say. Address the things you can change and forget the stuff that you have no control over. Understand the facts and start from there.
Continue reading “Sunday Night Worries”
Bago ako magsimulang kumuda tungkol sa buwan ng Hulyo, ikukuwento ko muna na kanina, araw ng Linggo, bandang alas siete ng umaga, nagdilim ang paningin ko at nawalan ako ng malay. Gutom na gutom kasi ako.
N’ung Biernes pa ‘yung huling kain ko, pananghalian na shawarma mula sa isang restaurant malapit sa opisina. Biernes ng gabi dumaan lang ako sa mall at bumili ng ice cream (isang cup ng white chocolate with raspberry!). Kahapon naman, Sabado, nagkape lang ako buong araw. Balak ko naman talagang mag-almusal kaninang umaga, pero ‘ayun na nga, hinimatay ako. Nang magising ako sa sahig ng kusina kung saan ako bumagsak, kumain agad ako ng tsokolate at pumasok sa kwarto para humiga at magpahinga. Hayayay.
Pero ayos naman na ako ngayon. Namalengke na ako kanina, okay na. Susubukan ko na lang siguro na hindi magpagutom ulit. Hmm.
So mabalik tayo sa Hulyo. Ano nga ba ang nangyari n’ung Hulyo?
Continue reading “Hulyo”
I just submitted two write-ups for a part-time job and I still have a technical report for another job that I need to finish tonight. It seems like I will be handing my boss a 20-page shitfest tomorrow, but, to be honest, I don’t really care about it anymore. I am ready to take a big L on this one, and I will just go ahead and move forward with a lesson or two. Que sera sera, Jolens. Life goes on.
All these technical write-ups that I’ve been pulling out my ass have made me realize how badly I enjoy casual essay writing. Casual, which basically refers to the kind of writing most bloggers do. Casual, like it’s just me speaking to all of you.
Continue reading “All Nighter”