I have a presentation to do tomorrow and it’s about the technical report that I submitted last week.
My supervisor has yet to give me feedback on what I wrote, but I am 100% certain that half of it is hard, solid bullshit. I simply didn’t understand what I was writing about. And tomorrow, when I present that shit in front of the team, I know that they will realize how I practically know nothing about the topic. Hayayay.
A part of me just wants to chill and focus on what’s present. Be objective, they say. Address the things you can change and forget the stuff that you have no control over. Understand the facts and start from there.
Two words come to mind: lethargic, as DJ would say, and languorous, which according to Google means “oppressive stillness.” Now isn’t that accurate?
It must be the loneliness, I don’t know, but I don’t even have the energy to write anything tonight. I’ve been collecting sadness though, and I’ve been disposing them onto my sketchpad. Go and have a look. And if you don’t mind, dear stranger, please send hugs if you could. 😦
Sunday night I catch myself watching The Office while nibbling on Skittles and downing the decadent beads of sugar with tepid green tea. I am moving to a new city tomorrow yet here I am doing nothing, just bumming around like some chubby Norse god who lost his will to be.
But you really have to start packing, I remind myself. My new place — a tiny room in the basement of an old house along a quiet, tree-lined street — is ready for occupancy tomorrow. The landlady and I have already agreed on a move-in time. Everything is set, actually, except for my luggage that remains empty.
I searched Google for “get to know you questions” and I found this. La la la, whatever.
What type of music are you into?
The last song I saved on Spotify was “Before We Begin” by Broadcast. (That doesn’t really answer the question, does it?)
What are your hobbies and how did you get into them?
I got into blogging because I genuinely enjoyed writing in high school. I got into painting/sketching because I was living out of town a couple years back and I was sooo bored. That’s when I sketched this Paraluman portrait and I thought, uy, masaya ‘to a!
I’m stuck at a problem at work. Last week I was given a huge data set to analyze but I couldn’t extract the metadata that I need to crunch. The boss didn’t give me a deadline but still, I’m frustrated. Sometimes I think I’m too dumb for this job. Sometimes I also think that maybe I shouldn’t have abandoned writing as a career.
I am out of sorts again. I won’t bore you with the details but just to stay on brand, I am currently
reading an anthology of Filipino speculative fiction from the early 2000’s; one of the stories called “The Secret Origin of Spin-man” by Andrew Drilon is a genuine mood booster, i.e. nakakataba ng puso;
writing this post and nothing else;
listening to Yeah Yeah Yeah’s “Maps”;
thinking that many of my failures in life may have been caused by my tendency to procrastinate every, god, damn, time;
I cringe every time I see a spike in my Stats. It doesn’t always happen, but when it does, it usually means that one curious cat got a tad too curious and decided to dig through my dusty archives.
Which is fine, actually. It’s dope. It proves that some people still find this space interesting and it makes me feel a little less alone (shet ang lungkot ko naman?). On the flip side, however, it also means that these people get to see more of my shortcomings as a writer. Exhibit A: my “very sad and very poor” grasp of the English language.
I’m aware of it, and I’m trying to be better at it. My about page says it all: please feel free to judge my grammar mistakes. I apologize for the lapses; I apologize for my egregious English.